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    A is for Adoption

    Ps

    IMG_9791My husband & I have been on (what we like to call) “Birth Surrender” (vs birth control) for 7 years now. We didn’t realize we were “infertile” until 4 years in. You can read more about that here. People ask us, “Are you trying?” I have never liked that word. It is too close to striving.

    We were resting. We were hoping. Because there’s no such thing as ‘trying’ to have a miracle. It is all about receiving.

    Every emotion has knocked on the door of the home within my heart. Some came in franticly, with questions, while others came just to sit beside Holy Spirit. The gate of vulnerability with God flung wide open.

    Most women’s lives change when they see two lines on a stick but mine came with an unforeseen phone call.

    I was sitting on the couch as I overheard my husband talking with his cousin on the phone. She went on to tell us a story of how she was in prayer and felt like she was pregnant when she saw a vision of Caleb & I holding a child, her child. She got out took a pregnancy test and it was positive!

    By the end of the conversation, I heard the words, “What I’m trying to say is, I feel God is saying that you & Bethany are supposed to adopt my child.” I looked at Caleb shaking my head “NO,” with arm gestures and all. I was angry! {just keeping it real} I was offended that this surprise would automatically be considered a blessing to us because we were “infertile.” I was hesitant because we had just started a ministry and are halfway in raising full time support!

    But then she said the words, “I have only had girls but I think this one’s a boy,” and I started tearing up! I immediately wiped my tears in fear that Caleb would see me and think I had changed my mind. He began to pray over her & this child and the words that he was declaring described what someone had prayed over me about my children a week before. I pondered, “Lord, is this our child he is prophesying over?”

    The next day, I said to God, “I’m not seeking You on this, You’re going to have to find me, so speak loud & speak clear.” 

    Later, I was dead asleep during a nap and was woken up by the audible voice of the Lord saying to me, “But have you considered it?”

    He was referencing a conversation I had with Melissa Helser on adoption. I knew He was asking me to simply consider it.

    A week later, we get a text of the ultrasound and noticed there were TWO dots!! She’s having TWINS! Right away God reminded me of a dream I had two nights before we got the first phone call about all of it. It was my first dream ever of being pregnant : I was in a hospital in Virginia (not Mississippi) with Caleb’s mom (not mine) and I woke up from surgery (as if I had a C-section) and asked her, “Is there a second baby?”

    twins

    At that point I felt a leap in my spirit, but still hesitated sharing with Caleb my contemplation until I 100% knew & wanted to meet with two mentors of mine who had adopted.

    A week later, I was home alone journaling all of my thoughts & feelings. After 7 years of infertility, deep, deep down I felt unworthy to be a mother. I thought, “If God wanted me to be a mother, He would’ve given me the ability to have a child but because He hasn’t, I don’t want to ‘Hagar’ (see how the enemy used Genesis 16 against me?)  the situation and adopt.” And to be completely honest, infertility had become my comfort zone. . . and the longer I stayed in the land of familiar, the more I wanted to live there forever. After writing all of the lies the enemy had whispered, I ended with, “but when I saw that they were twins & remembered my dream, I knew.” 

    Right when I finished, Caleb came in and told me,

    she had gone to the abortion clinic that afternoon.

    I lost it! I cried like a mother who had lost her babies. He said, “It’s okay, she didn’t go through with it!” When I gained composure, he told me that she had blocked God out for a few hours and went to the Abortion Clinic.

    We all have moments in our lives where we get to the end of our rope. I am thankful God was there standing at the end of hers. Only one woman was working that day. She dropped something, cussed, and said, “Woops, I shouldn’t have cussed, I’m a Christian.” She thought, “What is this, undercover Jesus in the abortion clinic?” They began the ultrasound & the nurse said, “Oh my!” She responded, “Did I miscarry? I have felt sick all day.” She said, “I’m not supposed to show you this but do you wanna see the screen?” She looked as the nurse exclaimed, You’re having TWINS! The nurse said, “Now, I’m gonna have to schedule you for another day because it’s going to be extensive with two, but listen, you don’t have to come in.”

    On the way over, she had told God, “Lord, if You want me to keep this baby, You’re gonna have to do something crazy like, let it be twins!” 

    A few friends began to tell her, “We will take your twins! We’ve been infertile and would absolutely love to adopt them!”

    I immediately recoiled back into inadequacy. “Of course, she’ll choose them, and she should because here I am taking forever to say yes to this,” I thought. I asked Caleb what she was going to do. She told him, “Caleb, they would be amazing parents but I know what God showed me, and they are not the parents.”

    At that moment, I bursted into tears as I heard the Father say, “See Bethany, she is not using you, I am choosing you!”

    I looked at Caleb & said, “Yes, I say yes!” We cried and laughed and imagined where we would put the cribs. We texted each other names back & forth all week until Sunday we got a phone call.

    She was unsure if she wanted to give them away now that it was twins and asked for a few days to pray over the decision. I asked God, “Can I tell her all that You’ve told me confirm this?” He said, “No, let Me convince her because you can guilt trip her into it for a moment but this has to be her decision.”

    I got off the phone and balled. I reverted back to infant tendencies and just flipped to a random passage in my Bible, and to my surprise found 1 Samuel 10 saying, “Then Samuel took a flask of olive oil and poured it on Saul’s head and kissed him, saying,

    “Has not the Lord anointed you as ruler over his inheritance?. . .

    Three men going up to worship God at Bethel will meet you there. One will be carrying three young goats, another three loaves of bread, and another a skin of wine.

    They will greet you and offer you TWO LOAVES of bread, which you will accept from them.”

    My heart melted and I was instantly calmed. The next day I met with a mentor of mine who’s adopted. She began telling of her first adoption & when she said, “the Lord told me to name him Joshua,” she had my full, undivided attention. In our first year of marriage, a woman prophesied over me, “God is healing your inner organs and you will have a son & to consider naming him Joshua.” I knew God was using that moment for this one. She finished sharing that the birth mom changed her mind and kept him. I knew then that we we’re not going to get these twins.

    That day, we got a call from his cousin. She felt like it was Abraham with Issac. She had laid them on the altar but the Lord said, “You don’t have to do this.” She told me through tears that she felt because of our ‘Yes’ to God, that He would open my womb to have our own children. I felt the peace of God overwhelming me.

    I cried. I mourned. I grieved. I laid them on the altar and blessed her decision.   

    A couple of months went by and one of my best friends we were visiting in Texas said the Lord told her to give me something . . . it was a nest with two eggs in it. She said, “I don’t know, maybe I’m prophesying twins or something!”

    IMG_9789

    Little did she know, that week we would get a call from the birth mother to officially ask if we would adopt the babies, to which we said, “Yes!”

    We will have two little loaves coming this November 17th!!!!!!

    “Shout for joy, O barren one, she who has not given birth;

    Break forth into joyful shouting and rejoice, she who has not gone into labor with child! For the spiritual children of the desolate one will be more numerous than the sons of the married woman,” says the Lord. -Isaiah 54:1

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    Trace & Bekah | Lifestyle

    “Listen to the trees talking in their sleep,’ she whispered, as he lifted her to the ground. ‘What nice dreams they must have!”

    L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

    When Trace’s mom contacted me about surprising Trace & Bekah with a photoshoot I was all game! I had to ask them if they wanted to be my models to try and convince them of our secret plan.

    Trace & Bekah make everyone they meet around them feel like they are home. Trace has the biggest smile and Bekah has the biggest heart. She is small and he is tall but these opposites attract heaven.

    We chased the sunlight in the cotton fields to find the perfect autumn crimson colors in the air.

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