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    against the clock & compass: overcoming a barren mindset with an infertile womb

    The other day I plugged in a destination and 2 hours later, GPS said that I had arrived when I was on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere. I was filled with fear in my unknown surroundings at the thought that I was totally lost yet hoping I mistyped the address. My heart fluttered because I timed my travel based on my time of arrival and now it was me against the clock and my compass. That’s what finding out the news of infertility feels like, where your inserted address does not bring you to your determined destination and time can feel as if it’s racing against you. I love the lyric in Katy Perry’s song called, “Rise”: “When the fire’s at my feet again, and the vultures all start circling, saying you’re out of time, but I will rise.”

    Romans 4:20-21 says, “Yet he [Abraham] did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what He had promised.”

    Other times we can feel a lot like the older brother (sister) in the Prodigal Son story. Why did she get a party? She’s been out partying and wasting your money… We refuse to go in to the party (or the baby shower). We decline to celebrate with others. We point out to God all the ways we deserve this blessing like, “God, how come this woman gets pregnant and she has the worst home life and us having stable jobs and a godly marriage struggle with infertility?”

    So why does God give drug addicts, rapists and the ill equipped babies and the Christian woman is barren? 

    Satan is the prince of the world (unless you choose Christ, you’re in his prison cell) and he wants to raise up more demonic children to become like their parents, hating life & hating God. Then he attacks the Christian by stealing from her womb hoping it will rob her love for God too. When you think its God’s fault, you’ve taken Him off of His throne and put the devil. Meanwhile the devil is laughing because he fooled you into thinking that it’s God’s fault rather than his. Now subconsciously satan has become your friend as you believe what he says about your situation and without saying it aloud or even realizing it, God has become your enemy. 

    God gives and satan steals. 

    So dry your tears, forgive God for your indirected bitterness & anger and then start telling satan what God is going to do for your barren situation because death has never stopped Him. 

    Or maybe some of you feel like the younger brother (sister) because you lost your virginity or had an abortion and feel that those are the reasons you are facing infertility. No, God the Father is waiting on the porch for His prized possession to come home. He’s ready to give back everything that was stolen or lost. Everything He has is ours.

    “We also celebrate in seasons of suffering because we know that when we suffer we develop endurance, which shapes our characters. When our characters are refined, we learn what it means to hope and anticipate God’s goodness. And hope will never fail to satisfy our deepest need because the Holy Spirit that was given to us has flooded our hearts with God’s love.” -Romans 5:3–5

    Celebrate in suffering? 

    How do you attend a party for yourself if you can’t even send the invitation? 

    Imagine hinting to your dad every time you’re out shopping that you want this one item all to wake up Christmas morning and see your sister opening the gift you wanted. Tears fill your eyes and jealousy whispers lies and your heart feels invisible. 

    But re-imagine that as your shopping you notice a glimmer in your sister’s eye and whisper to your dad that he should get it for her. He agrees and asks you to wrap her gift on Christmas Eve with him. Now tears fill your eyes as she opens the gift and your heart is warm. 

    As a co-laborer with Christ, I am not threatened when my sister sees breakthrough! I spent time with my Father praying to see it come to pass. 

    So when a friend of mine who had struggled with infertility & gone to the same specialist as us announced that she was pregnant, the response wasn’t, “Why not me? Where’s mine God?” It’s a genuine celebration! 

    I have learned that my boat doesn’t have to sink when others learn to swim. 

    But if disappointment fills your veins and heartbreak keeps you awake, the lie that He has forgotten has hummed way too loud over the truth that you have never left His mind. Lets also not forget that the woman who bore the nations at 90 years old was barren. YOU are God’s miracle child! 

    And because of the cross, He struck death with barrenness when He birthed you! 

    In Luke 8, Jairus comes up to Jesus asking if He could come and heal his 12 year old daughter who was dying. He goes to do so when a woman touches His robe and power is released from Him. He turns around to ask who touched Him and as He is trying to find the woman who was hiding, Jairus is still standing there probably thinking, “The girl is healed! Lets go, because my girl isn’t!” As Jesus is stopping for this one, Jairus’ friend comes to him and says, “Don’t bother asking Jesus to heal your daughter, she just died.”

    I am sure his heart sunk! Jesus was healing a woman who bled for 12 years but his 12 year old daughter just lost life because of it. Jesus looks at him and says, “Jairus, do not let fear enter; she is not dead, she is just sleeping.” They go to his house and all the people who were filled with grief were left out of the room. He only let those with hope see the miracle. 

    I know the enemy has comes just like Jairus’ friend and says, “Don’t even bother asking Jesus to heal your womb, it’s dead. Didn’t you hear what the doctor said? You’re infertile. The years prove it.” But Jesus turns and says, “Don’t you dare let fear enter. Your babies aren’t dead, they are just sleeping and when I come, I will tell them to quit sleeping and arise!”

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